Burying the Buriton Hatchet

With the Tour de France in crisis yet again over drug-taking allegations the TCA considered a silent protest ahead of their ride but time was pressing: We were behind schedule for the latest stage of our own adventure, this week from Hambledon to Buriton. In light of the weather forecast a contingency plan was in place in the event of 'rain of biblical proportions' but this was dismissed as the afternoon's heavy rain passed. Those who remember the account of our last visit to Buriton will no doubt recall the ensuing farce as the Sloppy Porridge Maker arrived in his 4x4 against the very ethos of the TCA's constitution: The TCA delegation set off to provide a one and only chance for the shamed rider to redeem himself.

Michael Rasmussen says "Stuff 'Le Tour' -
I'm off to join the TCA where I can take what I like"!

Jon exclaimed as we left that he always had a feeling that Rasmussen was cheating on account of him bring "extremely tall, thin and spotty". In any event he had obviously immersed himself in Le Tour as he set off, like the King of the Mountains, at a frantic pass out of Hambledon on the gradual ascent to The Bat and Ball. Al could handle the pace no more as the gradient increased towards the summit at Hyden Hill but Jon waited for Al before our route went off road for a short distance over Tegdown Hill. On towards the mighty Butser Hill and Jon conceded that, with his off-road tires and suspension, he had the more capable bike for the imminent descent to the Queen Elizabeth Country Park. Al, using his rigid bike fitted with road slicks, was keen to wager than he would make up for his lousy climbing ability and beat Jon to the bottom of the hill. He started to regret this decision as wheels, both rear and front, started locking up on the wet grass at the slightest touch on the brakes. He just about hung on to the bike and finally got away from Jon to win his pint of beer as the hill leveled out.

Still a little behind schedule we pressed on up and over the hill through the QE park before the steep descent into Buriton. Rolling into the car park at exactly 19.30, our predetermined rendezvous time, the Sloppy Porridge Maker (or Ian as he may now be known) did not let us down. Regaled in a magnificent fluorescent cycling jacket and hailing us with the immortal greeting "Two pints of bitter?", he instantly absolved any previous disagreement we might have had. In addition Jon and Al had recently failed their TCA dope test - their blood streams were found to have prohibitively low blood alcohol concentrations so the beers were long overdue.

Doped up: Al, Ian and Jon toast absent friends
at the Five Bells, Buriton

With our pints of River Cottage Stinger downed we mounted our bikes again and headed out of Buriton towards East Meon. Although the wind was gusty it was at least dry and occasionally the sun briefly made an appearance as we cycled steadily down the country lanes. Chat mainly revolved around logistics for next years 'boys weekend' scheduled for April in Scotland and other significant news since the fateful evening back in April when we last met.

Jon and Ian form the TCA peloton
on the way to East Meon

Arriving at Ye Olde George Inn at East Meon Jon got the riders a pint of Tanglefoot which was enjoyed on the quiet patio area at the rear of the pub. Ian, bound for a return to Petersfield, split from Jon and Al who headed over the South Downs ridge again for a return to Hambledon, and a traditional dinner of chilli con carne. The controversy-free future of the TCA seems back on track with any outstanding allegations of 'inappropriate vehicular application' lifted... if only it was this easy for all cycling institutions.

Tour de France, Drinkers

Route Map (click to enlarge):

Elevation Profile:

(Posted by: Al)

Buriton Betrayal

With John using one of the lamest excuses in TCA history; “I have to pick up a camper van”, and Jon’s bike hamstrung by a succession of technical faults, with parts on order, it was looking bleak for the long-awaited trip to Buriton. However, Jon resorted to taking his ancient rigid bike out of mothballs and, having tweaked the brakes and pumped up his tyres, arrived in Hambledon with his day-glo monstrosity (below).

With more mileage than usual to cover this evening we rushed to get ready, donning our usual garb and making last-minute adjustments to equipment and lights. We were out of the house before 6.30pm. At about 6.40pm we were in a lay-by, Jon’s bike upside down to attend to the problem of his rear tyre rubbing against the frame. Was it going to be another one of ‘those’ evenings we thought to ourselves as Jon undid the well-worn nuts with one of the various adjustable spanners which have to accompany an evening out on his ‘old school’ bike.

With Jon’s pedaling efficiency vastly increased following the pit-stop our average speed increased considerably: Al’s mapping software suggested that we would only be home in reasonable time for dinner if we maintained an average speed of over 10 mph and we had the formidable Butser Hill ahead of us. As we made our way up past the Bat & Ball and up to the ridge of the South Downs Al supplied the appropriate ‘encouragement’ to Jon “Come on you miserable worm, the average speed is only 8.7 mph!” or “Step it up you lousy piece of…” you know the kind of thing.

It was raining lightly when we left Hambledon but the evening cleared offering magnificent views down the Meon Vally from Butser Hill – we could trace the return route at the foot of the downs and also see the second ascent through the Queen Elizabeth Country Park across the valley ahead. The descent of Butser Hill was terrific although we were both rattled around a bit more than usual as we longed for our plush suspension bikes. With 30 minutes in hand before our scheduled appointment at Buriton we steeled ourselves for the final serious ascent of the evening from the visitor’s centre.

Joining the road for the descent into the village we were soon pulling our bikes into the garden of one of the TCA’s favorite pubs (curiously we had never cycled here before though), the Five Bells. Knowing we would have had the full endorsement of Tortoiseshell we ordered two pints of Badger’s Tanglefoot and waited for our rendezvous.

This had been a ride several weeks in the planning, conceived during the recent Boy’s Weekend. Our contact, in the blogosphere known only as ‘Sloppy Porridge Maker’ (SPM), was to cycle the relatively short distance from his home in Petersfield and join us for a couple of beers. Imagine our disgust as the familiar form of our acquaintance emerged, not in the saddle but from the comfort of his Landrover Explorer! The excuse provided was so tenuous I struggle to remember it… something to do with work. Shame.

Sloppy Porridge Maker (identity withheld for fear of retribution),
Jon and Al enjoy a pint at the Five Bells, Buriton

We shared a quick beer with SPM and tried to hide our distain as best we could. SPM vowed to plan things a little better and cycle next time. Nevertheless we drank our pints swiftly, made our excuses and left the muggle to his own devices, only to see him briefly as his Chelsea tractor overtook us on the road out of Buriton spewing it’s carbon dioxide as it went; ‘next time’ indeed.

Knowing that we had tackled the most serious climbs and that the rest of the route was road-based Jon and Al settled back into the saddle for a leisurely ride down the meandering country lanes towards Frogmore and East Meon. We stopped for a second beer at Ye Olde George as a reward for keeping the average speed above the critical level. More Badger beer to choose from but we plumped for Tanglefoot again as we sat in the pub garden and enjoyed the cool, clear evening.

A toast to absent friends

Suitably reconstituted we headed back towards home with a final climb over the downs and a speedy down-hill approach to Hambledon. We made it home in good time; perfect time as Tee took a delicious home-made lasagna out of the oven. Jon and Al both felt that the route was really worthwhile, of an ideal length with top-class pubs and reluctantly agreed we would indeed give SPM one last chance in due course.

Route Map (click to enlarge):

Elevation Profile:

Speed Profile:

(Posted by: Al)