South Chichester Exploration

If the truth be told Jon and Al weren't really 'up for it' tonight. With so much rain in recent days the thought of slogging up the Trundle and getting our freshly cleaned bike all s**t-up (as they say in Leicester) was too much. It had been a long week. The route was well worn. The pubs were getting pretty predictable - the lights didn't have the range in the winter to make the Royal Oak. Perhaps there were more rewarding routes elsewhere... There was no excuse. But in the old days it wasn't like this. It wasn't shameful to take a week 'off'. And so it was decreed that tonight would be a Poof's Ride. Once the words were uttered, in some sort of mutual, disgraceful pact, Jon and Al visibly appeared to relax.

In days of old (when Billy-Bob had a casting vote), a 'Poof's Ride' often meant a night on the couch in front of the TV with a curry; With 'General Ade' barking the orders the TCA regime seems to have got a lot more harsh. We decided that there was no need for too much guilt tonight; we were at least kitting up and getting on our bikes! Our plan was to check out the barren, flat, bridlepathless area to the south of Chichester as opposed to heading north onto the downs. Jon knew the pubs were there, it was just a matter of finding a reasonable route.

The first section of the ride had a surreal quality to it as we hammered down the pedestrianised centre of Chichester in search of a cashpoint. Cash in hand we then picked up the old towpath out of town towards Sidlesham where Jon explained there was a 'cracking boozer'.

[There's no point embellishing the route, it was dull. Mainly road-based, look at the maps, there's no need to bore you with the details, Ed.]

The Crab & Lobster, Sidlesham: "the 300 year old Crab & Lobster is in a superb location on the banks of Pagham harbour close to the nature reserve". Sounds nice, eh? Often we have joked "...closed for refurbishment" as we have neared a pub after a long slog, desperate for a pint. But this time all our nightmares came true. Of course Jon took the stick, this was on his watch after all! Dead as a Dodo.

Crab & Lobster, Sidlesham - what it could have looked like

Perhaps we should have flogged up the trundle - at least the pubs to the north are in no need of a refurb? Anyway, pressing on we headed towards Birdham Marina where there was another mug-shaped icon on the O/S map. Checking the map regularly we made it over the bridge and found ourselves cycling between the expensive yachts. The 'pub' was in fact a nasty Butlin's-style bar complex, wholly unsuitable for the TCA... even if it had been open.

Never fear, one last chance for a pint, the Crown' at Dell Quay. Picking our way through the yachts again and picking up the Salterns Way, a rare 'off-road' section of the evening, we headed north.

Crown & Anchor, Dell Quay - salvation!

Joseph, Mary and sweet baby Jesus the Crown was open! And they served a cracking pint of Charles Wells Bombardier. The evening was saved, much to Jon's relief.

Suitably refreshed we picked up the Chichester Ship Canal tow path back towards town. The reassuring feel of tyres-on-mud and the sight of shite-on-goggles made the boys at last feel at home on the rough track. We soon had to pick up the tarmac again though until the Southern Leisure Centre where, with lack of beer affecting our navigational skills, we got disorientated in a caravan park.

On the whole an unsatisfactory evening, despite a nice beer, and with 20.4 miles on the clock this was hardly a Poof's Ride! As suspected the area south of Chichester holds little for the intrepid off-road biker. We have learnt our lesson - the trundle it is next time.. or a night on the couch with a curry; there's no shame in being a willy-woofter once-in-a-while!

Route Maps:

(Posted by: Al)