Return of The Orange Beast

Thursday ride was a bit hit and miss with Jon's bike just back from repairs and Al having to send his apologies. John H was apparently entertaining a Chinese girl... Billy Bob turned up with no bike but with clothes that had seen better days. His excuse was that he had chucked his wet clothes from his last ride, a long time ago, into a corner and had forgotten about them. His yellow mack was turning green with mould and the rest of his clothes were not much better either.

After a quick cup of tea and some puff pastry mince pies Billy-Bob mounted the Orange Beast, (Jon's ancient Halfords Apollo) while Jon rode his mended Scott. As normal, the Canal track was strewn with dodgy occurrences and people: We noticed a supicious hoodie youth clambering a wall to a house. Riding at steady pace, taking account of Billy-Bob's lack of fitness and more pertinently the heavy Orange Beast, we got to Chichester Marina where the front wheel of the Beast unfortunately fell off going over the sluice gate bridge. Jon almost did himself an injury trying to right the bike because of its weight but managed to fix the loose bolts with a huge wrench from his back pack.

At the Crown and Anchor we enjoyed a couple of pints of Tribute and then decided to cycle up to the Earl of March at East Lavant. This took us about half an hour where we tucked into crisps and pints of Harveys Best Bitter. A short trip back resulted in serving of Spaghetti Bolognese and Sticky Toffee pudding.

Sadly no photos as Jon forgot to charge his camera.

(Posted by: Jon)

Jon's New Lights

With John H on his travels in Toulouse and Billy-Bob working, it was left to Jon P and a firing-on-three-cylinders Al to keep the dream alive. After customary discussion of the woes of work, over cake and tea the boys got out for 6.30pm, cycling earnestly through the back streets of Chichester to start along the canal route. It was one of those curious evenings where the choice of apparel was not necessarily obvious - it was very mild for the time of year but there was still a nip in the air. Both riders deemed is 'shorts weather' but took the precaution of a thermal base layer and a waterproof top. Winter gloves were left at home.

Jon was particularly keen to get off the beaten track to try out his new light system, a Lumicycle Halide system "...the absolute pinnacle of lighting technology" as the blurb says! Dodging the usual walkers and vagrants, Jon quickly had to resort to bimble pace to allow Al to catch up with his failing respiratory system. Of note the boys encountered a young Hedgehog on the canal path which Al just manged to avoid. Lucky for the Hedgehog, Al stopped to warn Jon who had lagged behind at this point. After a brief picture stop and a kicking of Hedgehog out of harms way, we headed south towards Chichester Marina.


Once over the harbour gates Jonperformed a full calibration of his new kit - lighting up Salterns Copse and exposing most of the wood and surrounding area. Al agreed that the system really was better than anythign he had seen before. The lights look stylish, yet understated and, after a characteristic flicker and few seconds warming up as the beam gained intensity, the power is astonishing.. and just one lamp.. and a four hour burn time!

The view from behind the
Lumicycle Halide

Once at Dell Quay and the Crown & Anchor Al enjoyed a pint of Youngs Special and Jon a pint of St. Austell's Tribute, whereupon plans to solve the nations problems were evoked. Amongst many ideas floated was recruiting prison inmates to run the Royal Mail and waste collection. We briefly considered the "John H light-weight shortcut" route straight back home at this point because we had thought we had taken over two hours so far; according to Jons watch it was about 9 pm. However, we were not put off and decided to cycle up towards East Lavant along the old railway track. Soon Jon had to admit a school-boy error in his time keeping: He had not corrected his cycling watch after the hour change on Sunday so in fact we had loads of time!

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
No - it's Jon with his new lights!

Two thirds of the way along the track Al always anxious to do something different and decided to try out a footpath branching off this cycle track up an embankment and found a short cut down towards the Earl Of March at East Lavant. The embankment has some potential for a embankment challenge in the future. At the pub, drinking two pints of Harveys, trhe boys indulged in some people watching as the posh folk of Sussex in their fancy attire rolled up for dinner.

After cycling back via the Lavant Ford route, we got back to a traditional slowcooker special: Chicken Casserole was served up and for pudding a Belgian Truffle Chocolate Torte with each serving worth 40% of your daily recommended intake in saturated fat. Jon had chosen the dessert especially for Billy Bob knowing his taste for healthy food but he shouldn't be dissappointed as the remainder will be frozen for future consumption.

(Posted by: Jon)

Memory Card Mishap

After a quick clean of Jon's orange Apollo bike, Billy Bob and Jon embarked on a ride down to the Chichester canals to Appledram. The orange Apollo bike had to be brought into use because of technical problems with Billy-Bob's own bike. We had had a quick cup of tea and chocolate cake beforehand, discussing the notable absence of some members on weekly rides (and Jon's experience with a friendly belly dancing solicitor at work). Keeping the dream alive for the TCA was falling on our broad shoulders.

The usual quick cycle through Chichester was mounted to beat the level crossing which we duly accomplished. Once on the cycle path, we quickly encountered courting couples and dog walkers, some very grumpy, and that was the owners. We lost count how many we met but Al would not have enjoyed this part of the ride. The evening was glorious though with the sun out and when we got to the Marina at Dell Quay the setting sun over Fishbourne channel was super.

We arrived at the pub, the Anchor, in good time, sat outside and enjoyed two pints of Waggledance. You cannot beat the British summer when it is like this. At 8pm we decided that we had to go upto East Lavant along disused railway line along the eastern side of Chichester. We had on a previous ride with Wrong John gone straight back home at this point! However aware of some murmurings that our rides had gone soft and that our bikes are not showing signs of dirt and mud we pushed on hard.

In fact we took just half an hour to get to at the Earl of March at East Lavant. A distance of just over 8.5 km not bad when billy bob was cycling the tank, the orange Apollo. At the earl of March we enjoyed a pint each of Harvey's Best Bitter looking over the Downs and the Trundle.

Again we cycled back fast from East Lavant home in just under twenty minutes arriving at 21:20 for another slow cooker Parson's special, Coq au Vin. It was around this time that Jon realised he had neglected to put the memory card into his camera; all the carefully staged snaps had been in vain.

(Posted by: Jon)

Canal Basin Convalescence II

Keen to burn off the excesses of Christmas and New Year, but with John now striken with a dose of man flu, coupled with sub-zero temperatures, we revisited the gentle jaunt that has become known as the 'Chichester Canal Ride'. It was John's turn to make the excuses but unlike the previous outing he could at least demonstrate the gravity of his condition by proving he was on a course of antibiotics.

Both Jo(h)ns assembled at the Chichester HQ early and made light work of scoffing their pieces of millionaire's shortbread... they were in the process of dividing the third when Al caught them red handed, delayed on account of car trouble and baby duties. The customary cake ritual complete Al and the Joh(ns) ventured into the Siberian weather.

Once on the canal the boys had a clear run encountering just the one dodgy looking character with a can of Special Brew in one hand - Jon recognised him as one of the regulars in his local pub. Jon led the way setting the pace trying to not let the ill man John lag too much behind. There were a few compliants that Jon was slowing down too much trying to get a few more birds for his year list. Sightings tonight included two swans fighting but truth be told it was difficult to spot many birds given frozen nature of the water and the misty mirk.

It was sufficiently cold that the brackish water at the sluice lock gates next to the sea in Chichester Marina had frozen over! After safely negotiating the narrow footpath platform above the gates, overlooking the frozen depths we cyled though the woods and field to the Crab and Lobster (...actually it was the Crown & Anchor, Ed.) at Dell Quay. Much to Al and Jon's delight they still has Young's Winter Warmer on draft. This was sufficient a temptation to persuade Jon that his achohol abstinance since New Years Day should come to an end. John and Al turned the discussion to logistics regarding the Boys Weekend - amongst the conclusions eventually reached was that Jon and Billy-Bob's responsibilities may well be limited simply to tea making.

We rode back straight to Chi along East and West Street on account of Johns worsening condition, foregoing a further pub stop. The evening was finished off itnslightly bizarre style with with a slow cooked cheesy lasagne, a recipe gleened from Jon's new cook book - a christmas present from John.

A Toast to absent Friends
The Crown & Anchor

(Posted by: Jon)

Canal Basin Convalescence

Still not fully recovered from last week's ride-halting illnesses Jon and Al decided to struggle on but attempt an easier ride than usual - cycling the familiar route south of Chichester along the canal tow paths, through the marina, under the A27 and upto East Lavant by disused railway.

While Jon and Al had clearly defined priorities - getting out in the time honoured way dispite extenuating circumstances - John had apparently disregarded the ancient TCA ethos: He was going out with 'other friends' on a christmas social. Billy-Bob on the other hand reported that his family were still making a recovery from flu and various other ailments including headaches, vomiting, etc.

Starting at 7 we "roaded" it to the Canal basin after being held up at a level crossing for what seemed an age. Once on the Canal path we seemed to be on our own apart from a courting couple and a dog walker surprised from our full sets of cycle lights. Al had the ultimate suprise though as the dag gave chase once the owner felt we were at a safe range. There was an errie feeling to the night with mist coming off the canal and various birds - coots, mallards and mute swans - calling. Jon rode to the front having recovered from his cold better than Al. Once at the Marina, the riders both successfully negotiated the sluice gate across the estuary entrance to marina without stopping and then rode through Saltern Copse up to Dell Quay Road.

At the Crab and Lobster at Dell Quay, we both quenched out thirst by drinking a pint of Youngs Winter Brew which reminded Jon of his golden years in drinking at various establishments in Old Portsmouth pre-TCA. After a serious discussion about whether to have another one, we decided, needs must and all that, to ride on to East Lavant.

A Toast to Absent Friends,
The Crown & Anchor

Cycling along a disused railway track, we both got up a bit of a momentum up, just missing a few dog walkers and then up to the Earl Of March. The pub was packed with christmas revellers, alien compared to tho the usual quieter atmosphere we were accusomed to... no doubt this was the just the type of atmosphere that John had traded for a night with the TCA. Nevertheless another enjoyeable pint of Harveys this time along crisps were consumed.

Homeward bound we cycled though a recreational park near the Festival car park and then the carpark itself, startlng a group of school children (not an unusual occurrence for Jon, Ed.) on a trip to the theater. Back at Jons, were more beer was enjoyed, a cracking chilli and huge servings of chocolate profiteroles with lashings of cream was consumed whilewatching Desperate Housewifes.

(Posted by: Jon)

Canal Dreams

Jon was surprised to see John, who had parked up his camper van in the drive, and Al, having readied both his own bike and his spare road bike for Billy-Bob, idling away the time as he pulled into his street at 5.30pm. Impressive stuff - he had expected a late start – Matt’s arrival soon after signaled the time for kettle boiling, tea making, and opening packets of buns. Small talk was made as we waited for Billy-Bob. The final associate bowled in just before 18.00, resplendent in suit and shiny, pointy shoes – standard attire for those on the ‘dark side’ – having recently accepted a position at a private planning consultancy: A far cry from the scruffy days in local government. It was good to see though that his old eating habits had not deserted him as he attempted to scoff the last two remaining buns. No chance! Thanks to a quick intervention from Jon he only managed to snaffle one.

After our last foray south of the A27 around Chichester resulted in a wholly unsatisfactory ride we had vowed never to attempt the same thing again. However, Jon was keen to devise a new route and the flatlands around the marina would provide the easy, sociable ride he was looking for to ease Billy-Bob into the new routine and also tempt Matt out. Buns and tea out of the way the boys set to gearing up, and all-but-one were soon ready. Jon seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time faffing around, apparently getting the meal on, feeding the cats, sorting out lights and the 101 things that seemed critical at the time.

Eventually we set off through the streets of south Chichester aiming to pick up the canal path leading to the marina. Jon led the way as we encountered a dodgy-looking character hanging around under the arches who was clearly not expecting a convoy of TCA riders. The towpath ends abruptly at Hunston where the party turned left along the road following the signposted cycle path. Not absolutely sure we were on the correct bearing rallying cries of "this looks right!" spurred us all on. Alas, having reached a dead end and our local guide Jon having consulted a map, it was concluded that we should have turned a sharp right angle. We turned our bikes round in a frankly embarrassing fashion, with Jon receiving the brunt of the ensuing abuse . He proffered feeble excuses such as “It all looked so different in the daylight when I last did this route”. Eventually, after another couple of about turns, and at one stage only narrowly avoiding going directly back the way we came, Jon found the route.

Burning up the canal towpath

Finally we were speeding along the canal again in the direction of Selsey, eventually entering Chichester Marina. Crossing over the mouth of the marina we picked up a bridleway along Fishbourne Creek. Al whizzed off in the lead while the majority of the group sauntered along at WI pace, catching up with Billy-Bob’s antics over the last couple of weeks. Al (in his capacity as official photographer) took the opportunity to speed ahead and take some action shots. Eventually cries of "get a move on!" were definitely heard from the leading rider whose patience was obviously waning. Picking up Dell Quay Road we turned left towards Dell Quay and arrived at the Crown & Anchor.

Checking out the Marina

John was keen to buy the round but had neglected to bring enough money to cover the order. With Billy-Bob skint, and Matt and Al reluctant to break into high denomination notes to settle the few pence outstanding, he scrounged some money off Jon (thus breaking an unwritten TCA rule by allowing the host to pay for beer) to settle the tab. Jon wondered, as he studies the map yet again, whether this was the moral bankruptcy of the dark side rearing it’s ugly head... However, the matter was soon forgotten as we duly drank our pints of Charles Wells Bombadier (Jon/John), Young’s Special (Al/Billy-Bob) and, without any sense of shame, pissy lager (Matt). Billy-Bob remarked that we seemed to be going to posher pubs these days... Jon wondered if our prodigal rider just had better glasses these days.

Toast to Absent Friends The Hope & Anchor
(Left to Right: Al, Billy-Bob; John, Matt, Jon)

The next stage of the plan was to get up to Fishbourne avoiding the A27. Unfortunately Jon was bamboozled for a second time that evening by an underpass which he claimed was not shown on the map. Changing the route plan on the fly he missed the turning onto Centurion Way (a cycle path leading up to East Lavant) on the first attempt. Matt, who was brining up the rear, was screaming to the others that we should turn left by the entrance of the school - frankly Matt tends to get over-excited at the thought of young girls in uniform and we have become accustomed to ignoring his outbursts every time the route passes close to a school. On this occasion Matt had however correctly identified the path we were aiming for; we were soon on our way down the tarmacked cycleway which Billy-Bob found was much better atuned to current fitness levels. In fact Al and Billy-Bob lagged behind wittering about weaning, nappies and baby apparel… or whatever. Arriving at East Lavant we got back onto the A286 for a short stretch to the familiar Earl of March.

Lounge Lizards, The Earl of March

Matt, loaded with beer money, was straight to the bar for a round consisting of Ringwood Best Bitter and more miserable lager for himself. We managed to bag a cozy corner and some comfy chairs - perhaps Billy-Bob had a point about the pubs after all! With time pressing, and some of our more grumpy associates expressing their dislike of the normal bridleway route around Goodwood Motor Circuit, we took a minor road and bridleway alongside a stream before heading home through the northern outskirts of Chichester. Al had a close call with a ford which appeared suddenly and was more raging torrent than shallow crossing. Jon insisted that he had issued adequate warning, but some people will never listen.

Dinner was the TCA staple of chilli, expertly slow-cooked to perfection as ever.

Route Map (click to enlarge):

(Posted by: Jon)

South Chichester Exploration

If the truth be told Jon and Al weren't really 'up for it' tonight. With so much rain in recent days the thought of slogging up the Trundle and getting our freshly cleaned bike all s**t-up (as they say in Leicester) was too much. It had been a long week. The route was well worn. The pubs were getting pretty predictable - the lights didn't have the range in the winter to make the Royal Oak. Perhaps there were more rewarding routes elsewhere... There was no excuse. But in the old days it wasn't like this. It wasn't shameful to take a week 'off'. And so it was decreed that tonight would be a Poof's Ride. Once the words were uttered, in some sort of mutual, disgraceful pact, Jon and Al visibly appeared to relax.

In days of old (when Billy-Bob had a casting vote), a 'Poof's Ride' often meant a night on the couch in front of the TV with a curry; With 'General Ade' barking the orders the TCA regime seems to have got a lot more harsh. We decided that there was no need for too much guilt tonight; we were at least kitting up and getting on our bikes! Our plan was to check out the barren, flat, bridlepathless area to the south of Chichester as opposed to heading north onto the downs. Jon knew the pubs were there, it was just a matter of finding a reasonable route.

The first section of the ride had a surreal quality to it as we hammered down the pedestrianised centre of Chichester in search of a cashpoint. Cash in hand we then picked up the old towpath out of town towards Sidlesham where Jon explained there was a 'cracking boozer'.

[There's no point embellishing the route, it was dull. Mainly road-based, look at the maps, there's no need to bore you with the details, Ed.]

The Crab & Lobster, Sidlesham: "the 300 year old Crab & Lobster is in a superb location on the banks of Pagham harbour close to the nature reserve". Sounds nice, eh? Often we have joked "...closed for refurbishment" as we have neared a pub after a long slog, desperate for a pint. But this time all our nightmares came true. Of course Jon took the stick, this was on his watch after all! Dead as a Dodo.

Crab & Lobster, Sidlesham - what it could have looked like

Perhaps we should have flogged up the trundle - at least the pubs to the north are in no need of a refurb? Anyway, pressing on we headed towards Birdham Marina where there was another mug-shaped icon on the O/S map. Checking the map regularly we made it over the bridge and found ourselves cycling between the expensive yachts. The 'pub' was in fact a nasty Butlin's-style bar complex, wholly unsuitable for the TCA... even if it had been open.

Never fear, one last chance for a pint, the Crown' at Dell Quay. Picking our way through the yachts again and picking up the Salterns Way, a rare 'off-road' section of the evening, we headed north.

Crown & Anchor, Dell Quay - salvation!

Joseph, Mary and sweet baby Jesus the Crown was open! And they served a cracking pint of Charles Wells Bombardier. The evening was saved, much to Jon's relief.

Suitably refreshed we picked up the Chichester Ship Canal tow path back towards town. The reassuring feel of tyres-on-mud and the sight of shite-on-goggles made the boys at last feel at home on the rough track. We soon had to pick up the tarmac again though until the Southern Leisure Centre where, with lack of beer affecting our navigational skills, we got disorientated in a caravan park.

On the whole an unsatisfactory evening, despite a nice beer, and with 20.4 miles on the clock this was hardly a Poof's Ride! As suspected the area south of Chichester holds little for the intrepid off-road biker. We have learnt our lesson - the trundle it is next time.. or a night on the couch with a curry; there's no shame in being a willy-woofter once-in-a-while!

Route Maps:

(Posted by: Al)